This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
