you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
its liver damage thursday
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
