I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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