dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
