I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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