I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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