It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
