There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
