Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
