WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
