I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
