Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
