You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
