You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
