Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
