My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
