In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
