im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
