i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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