She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
