separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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