My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
