My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
