Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I want is dick and wine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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