I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize