Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
