I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize