I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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