I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
