I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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