I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
