Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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