She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
