apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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