Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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