Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
