Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
