K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
