Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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