Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
