Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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