The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
