STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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