Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This is not my ceiling
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
