omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
