I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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