I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize