well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's just like the Real World with babies
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
