Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
