y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it was like eating out sand paper
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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