Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize