Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
