How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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