Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
