I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
