smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize