found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
