my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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