you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
