i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
