In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
