My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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