all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
