hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
